Thank God it’s Friday…

Is living life through the “ TGIF ” lens working for you?

Do you ever feel a knot in your stomach on Sunday or breathe a sigh of relief on Thursday because you’ve only got one more day to go until your work week ends? If not, then you may be one of the lucky ones. But the truth is it has nothing to do with luck. For some, work seems to be almost akin to a form of self-punishment, rather than something that feels worthy of doing because it engages talent and motivation. Living in the “Thank God it’s Friday” (TGIF) paradigm, we’re literally punishing ourselves without necessarily realising it, agreeing to suffering through our work days until we can finally enjoy two days off. Are you taking part in this implicit consensus? What proportion of your week is spent getting through situations rather than experiencing them, or even truly enjoying them?

This article is about honestly assessing how we feel about what we spend a significant amount of our time doing, and recognising just how much we can personally do to make positive changes if and when needed.

We often strongly believe that we don’t have the skills or the choice to make a positive change: and we’re absolutely right…

The above is true only because we believe it to be so. Because we believe it, we create the circumstances for this to happen. As a career consultant, I’m a witness to this phenomenon over and over. I have also applied it in my own life many times. I mostly lived with the belief that if I wasn’t suffering through a day of work, then I wasn’t doing a good job, or getting anywhere, or even deserving to get paid for it. I naturally sought out jobs that would provide me with these ingredients. Luckily, this can be changed. It doesn’t have anything to do with the outside world, it can all happen within the intimacy of our own mind.

If we believe that we deserve better, and that we deserve work that we enjoy doing, then this also can be our reality. We can even forget all about the word “work” and apply words such as projects, opportunities, collaborations…and ultimately even forget about these terms altogether. The possibilities are many. Again, this is something I’ve seen happen on numerous occasions. It happens a lot faster than we think because once we align with what truly motivates us, it’s hard to hold back. However, it’s up to us, not our friends, partners or family to make this decision for us. More importantly, it’s up to us to take action. Although our close ones can be of great support during the process if they truly care about our well-being, we are the actors.

When choosing to reassess our weekly activities and the way we go about them, there are some questions we can ask ourselves in order to gain more clarity:

Do I enjoy my job, truly?

This is a question I’ve found hard to acknowledge in the past, due to its sometimes unpleasant revelations. On the other hand, if we’re not honest about it, then it’s not as easy to move on to something we do enjoy. Although we may not always answer positively to this question, there is relief in simply acknowledging the fact. It feels like less of a burden once we truly assess where we are. This doesn’t necessarily mean we have to take immediate action. We are all on our own paths and make choices that remain personal. We can all have a bad day at work, or experience temporary setbacks. When you ask yourself this question, what do you feel inside? Joy or sadness? Sometimes without realising it we’re on a path that isn’t truly our own. This can sometimes come as a surprise when we realise it. Hence the following question:

Is our present job or career the result of the pressure or the expectations of our parents, a partner, friends or the sometimes more subtle influences from the past?

If you’ve chosen your own path, and the answer “no” comes to mind, this is a positive sign. On the other hand, you might come to the realisation that you may be part of someone else’s agenda, or on a path that doesn’t match your needs anymore, and that you have other roads you wish to explore. In this case, the next question may be of some value to you, either in assessing what you’re doing now or what you will be moving towards, and it might save you some time and unnecessary frustration.

Are we doing a job we’re really good at, but that we don’t enjoy?

In his book The Element, author Ken Robinson explains the potential trappings of choosing an activity purely based on the fact that we’re good at it. For instance, after having heard over and over that we’re good at science, we might assume, without giving it a second thought, or a thought of our own, that this is what we must naturally pursue. Our family, friends, teachers may unwittingly reinforce this with comments such as “you’re a born this, or a born that”. We may come to the conclusion that that’s what we’re meant to be doing, without actually enjoying it. In order to not neglect our motivation, the author underlines the importance of finding the crossing point between doing something we’re good at and that we truly love. The Element, in a nutshell, is the point at which our natural talents meet our personal passion. It’s where we feel most ourselves. And we don’t necessarily have to search far for a glimpse of what that may be. As Ken says himself:

“Never underestimate the vital importance of finding early in life the work that for you is play. This turns possible underachievers into happy warriors.”

For those of us who may have lost touch with playing, finding activities we truly enjoy doesn’t always come easily to us. A workshop, a book, or an article won’t always suffice to find out what we really enjoy doing. More often than not, it’s about untangling ourselves from a lot of biased expectations and fantasies about things we don’t truly want or actually need in our lives. This process will more than likely require honesty and courage rather than an epiphany. If we’re truly honest with ourselves, willing to welcome the feelings of simply doing something we enjoy and being the person we’re most comfortable with, things fit in to place with surprisingly little effort. This brings us to one of the simplest yet often most unfamiliar solutions of all:

Trusting our feelings, just saying “No”

Sometimes, in order to reach what we enjoy, we first go through a phase of saying “no” to things we don’t enjoy. We can develop a tendency to stick with situations simply because we’re apparently able to manage them, mostly at the expense of our well-being. We accept as much strain as we possibly can, making ourselves unhappy and sick in the process. An analogy is the frog, that if placed directly in boiling water will jump out, but if placed in cold water and slowly heated, will not sense the danger and slowly be cooked… On a more positive note, if we’re honest with ourselves and in touch with what we’re feeling, if we have the courage to act upon these messages, we can save ourselves a lot of unnecessary pain.

At the end of the day only we have our true best interests at heart. We are the ones who personally make that commitment, who make it happen. We are the only ones who can sincerely tune into what we’re feeling and assess what’s going on. Sure, we’ve got children to feed and bills to pay. What more convenient way to dismiss ourselves than pretend we’re living for others? Ever noticed how much energy you put into an activity you enjoy? Ever noticed how much energy is required when you’re not enjoying your job? So the importance of enjoying what you do on a daily basis, rather than for a future benefit is crucial to a healthy relationship to weekdays. If you’re at a loss as to where to start, then start by saying “no” to the parts that are causing you pain. Start opening up to other opportunities, activities, even consider working for free in some cases just to get into the area that interests you.

As mentioned at the beginning of this article, when we strongly believe that we don’t have the necessary skills or a choice in increasing our well-being, we are absolutely right. However, only because we believe it to be so. We go on to create situations that validate our choices and beliefs and ultimately prove ourselves right. We need to remember that we don’t need to reach boiling point before we choose again.

Questions:

• Is your present job or career the result of the pressure or the expectations of your parents, a partner, friends or the sometimes more subtle influences from the past?

Take a minute or two to honestly assess whether what you’re doing is out of choice or rather necessity, pressure or expectations…

• Yes
• No
• Well, maybe…

• What are the key activities you enjoy doing during your work day?

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• What are the activities you consider to be similar to playing?

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• What’s your dream job?

• What specific, measurable step could you take today in relation to making some positive change in your work?

• How will you know you’ve achieved it?

Further reading:

The Element: How finding your passion changes everything, Ken Robinson

Image credit: Constantin Stanciu via Shutterstock